Good morning, Friends! Thank you all again for coming!
The last two Sundays, we looked at baptism and communion. These are things which nearly all Christian churches practice.
Quakers have said for 400 years that baptism and communion are real. But the reality of baptism and communion is inward and spiritual. The outward symbols have often been divisive, and that’s caused problems.
So, Quakers have always focused on the inward reality, rather than on the outward ritual. We believe that baptism and communion take place in the heart, not in water, or in bread or wine.
Today I want to open up another can of worms, and talk about something which has also been divisive. I want to talk about forgiveness. Many churches focus on the ritual. I want us to talk about the reality.
To start with, let’s read a familiar passage, one which most of us know by heart.
Jesus said, “ “This is how you should pray:
“‘Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name,Your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us today our daily bread.
And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.
And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one.”For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.
Matthew 6:9-15
If there’s one thing Jesus absolutely insisted on, it’s forgiveness.
As we talked about before, Jesus never baptized anyone. The Lord’s Supper came at the very end of Jesus’ earthly ministry. Baptism and communion are important, but different churches practice them in many different ways.
Jesus never wanted his church to be divided. Jesus wanted us all to be united in spirit. So, don’t let the way different churches handle these things bother you. We’re all trying to be faithful to Jesus, in our own way.
The Quaker way, as I said last week, is kind of minimalist. Focus on the inside, not on the outside. Focus on the spirit, not on the ritual.
But forgiveness is something we all have to deal with. You can’t even say the Lord’s Prayer, without coming up against it.
“Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.” That’s means like something we owe. Some translations say trespasses. That means we crossed a line that we shouldn’t have crossed. But either way, forgiveness is baked right into the prayer that Jesus himself taught. We ask God to forgive us. And we have to forgive each other.
It’s not optional. Over and over again, Jesus said, “If you want to be forgiven, you have to forgive.” If we forgive a lot, we will be forgiven a lot. The more we let go of, the more will be lifted from us.
Jesus understood that sin can get in the way of a lot of things. Many times in the gospel, when someone who was sick, the first thing Jesus said was, “Your sins are forgiven.”
When a woman was brought to Jesus who had been caught in the act of adultery, all the elders and religious leaders were willing to kill her. And do you remember what Jesus said? “Whoever is without sin among you, can throw the first stone. . .” (John 8:7)
And they all went away, till only Jesus and the woman were left. And Jesus said, “Where’d they all go? Wasn’t there anyone left to condemn you?”
And then Jesus said, “I don’t condemn you either. Go, and sin no more.”
Jesus told a story one time, about a king who had two servants. One servant owed the king a whole lot of money – millions and millions. The first servant pleaded for mercy, and the king forgave the debt, because the servant could never possibly repay it.
The second servant owed the first guy a piddling amount. But the first guy grabbed him by the throat, and said “Pay me my money!” and had him thrown into debtor’s prison.
King came to hear about it, and hauled the first servant back in front of him.
The king said, “You wicked, evil person! I forgave you, when you begged for mercy. Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?”
The king was furious, and threw the first guy into the dungeon to be tortured until he paid back every last penny. (see Matthew 18:21-35)
Forgive, as you have been forgiven. That’s the bedrock of Christianity.
Jesus once said that if you were at the Temple bringing God a gift, and you remember someone has something against you, then leave your gift in the corner, and go and be reconciled first.
That’s a greater gift, than any gift of money or anything else you could bring to God. Forgiving and being forgiven is like the greatest gift of all.
Jesus said we have to forgive 70 x 7 times. But in the early church, many people believed that you only got forgiven once, at your baptism. After that, people believed you didn’t get any second chances.
People whose work required them to do bad things, like soldiers and government officials, waited to be baptized literally until they were on their deathbed, because you only got one shot. One chance for God to forgive you.
Or, people believed that maybe you could get forgiven if you confessed it in front of the whole church.
But doing some things, like denying during a persecution that Jesus is Lord or that you were a Christian, meant that you could never be forgiven, ever again.
That’s a pretty scary thought. No more chances. But then Jesus forgave Peter, when Peter denied three times that he even knew Jesus.
We always go back to what Jesus said: God will forgive us, if we forgive each other.
Some churches make that into a ritual. In some churches, you come down front, and confess in front of everybody that you’re a sinner. And the pastor, or the church, says that you’re forgiven.
In the church where I grew up, every Sunday there was a prayer of confession. Everybody said it together, every single week. The prayer said:
I confess to almighty God
and to you, my brothers and sisters,
that I have greatly sinned
in my thoughts and in my words,
in what I have done,
and in what I have failed to do;
through my fault, through my most grievous fault,
therefore I ask blessed Mary ever-Virgin,
all the Angels and Saints,
and you, my brothers and sisters,
to pray to the Lord our God for me.
Every week, we said that prayer. And in many churches, people still do. They confess to God. And they ask God, and Mary, and all the angels, and everybody up in heaven, to pray for God’s mercy.
In many Protestant churches, the emphasis isn’t on confession, but on being forgiven. All those churches where they talk about God’s mercy, that’s what they’re talking about. None of us are perfect. We all need forgiveness.
In some Protestant churches, at every service there’s something they call the assurance of pardon. The minister reminds everyone they can be forgiven, in a formal prayer. I respect that tradition, even though it isn’t something Quakers usually do. The minister says something like,
“May Almighty God, whose nature is to forgive sinners and always to have compassion on them that turn to him, grant you perfect remission of all your sins and full assurance of pardon; strengthen and confirm you in all good works; and bring you to everlasting life; through Jesus Christ our Lord.”
That’s kind of old-fashioned and stuffy, but there’s a lot of truth in it – it’s a good prayer. I guess I’d rather use our own words, and simply say that God forgives us.
Some churches, confession is done in private. You have a private conversation with the minister or the priest, and they pray for you, and tell you it’s all done, God forgives you, it’s all over.
The minister or the priest keeps whatever you say secret. It’s a secret of confession, and most pastors are really careful not to break it.
It’s awkward sometimes, because sometimes the problem isn’t a secret at all. Everybody knows about it. If a person has an addiction problem, they may want to keep it a secret. And any conversation they have with a minister is confidential.
But lots of people know about it. It isn’t much of a secret if your whole life is going down the drain. Sometimes the best thing to do is to come out into the open, and talk about the elephant in the room. Or sometimes, it’s better to open up in a safe group of people who really understand about it.
That’s the idea behind most 12-step groups. 12-step groups aren’t religious, but they’re kind of the modern version of going to confession. And as many people can tell you, a group can really help, especially if you keep going.
I’ve read a lot about forgiveness. Sometimes it’s really simple. You let go of something, and you feel so much better. Staying angry with somebody else is really draining. You get tired of carrying that burden of anger around, all the time.
It’s way better to forgive. Don’t spend your whole life being upset at other people. Let go. And if it feels hard, ask Jesus to help. Jesus knows more about forgiveness than we do.
And if it feels really hard to let go, remember how much you, yourself have been forgiven and may still need forgiveness.
Parents forgive children, all the time. That’s how it is with God. God is like our father, or our mother. God forgives us. We need to do the same, with our brothers and sisters. And like God, we need to forgive all the time.
One of the things I’ve said many times over the years, is that forgiving doesn’t mean being a doormat. Forgiving doesn’t mean that you like being abused.
Forgiving means saying, “This is wrong. You hurt me. Things ought to be over between us. But I’m not going to let this end our relationship. I’m willing to start over. I’m willing to let go. I’d rather take the high road, even if it’s hard. We may need to set some new rules. We may need to set some boundaries or change our expectations. But I forgive you.”
Forgiveness doesn’t mean one person crying and saying, “Oh, I’m so sorry! I’ll never do it again!” It means saying, “This shouldn’t have happened. It was a hurtful mistake. Let’s figure out what we can do, together, so that this doesn’t happen again.”
The first step is recognizing that something’s wrong, and bringing it out into the open. The first step is always about telling the truth. Forgiveness won’t work if we’re still telling lies.
The second step is taking practical steps to make it right. Fix what’s broken. Replace what was wrongfully taken. Try to heal the actual hurt, whether it’s feelings or something physical. Pay it back the debt, if that’s possible.
The third step is mercy. God’s mercy to us. Our mercy to each other. It’s agreeing to start over. It’s setting up a marker, and saying that this is where we start again.
All these steps are forgiveness. Sometimes we think that just one step is all there is. But forgiveness isn’t just one step. It’s a journey.
A fourth step is one that’s often misunderstood. The fourth step is about getting stronger. In the old days, sometimes a person would be told to say a certain number of prayers, maybe spread out over so many days.
It was kind of like having to write on the blackboard, a hundred times, or a thousand times, “I will not do this again!”
“I won’t steal. I won’t lie. I won’t start a fight. I won’t walk into a bar. I won’t gossip or trash somebody’s reputation. I won’t do something specific that would hurt our relationship.”
The idea is, that prayer, or some exercise, can make us stronger. It’s not punishment. It’s helping to rebuild our character.
In the old days, sometimes a person would be told to make a retreat, or go on a pilgrimage. Go and see someplace, a holy place, and let it change you. Go learn about some saint, some holy person, and let it soak into you.
In the old days, pilgrimages were often made on foot, even barefoot. The experience of walking for a few days, or even a few months, on the way to a holy place, could be a life-changing experience.
Sometimes the fourth step was to give up your whole way of life, and do something else. It might mean going to work for a charity, or finding a whole new circle of friends.
People used to take this stuff really seriously, because it’s better to change your way of life, than lose your someone you love, or lose your soul.
We all need to forgive. We all need forgiveness. We are all on a journey, a journey that includes truth, and turning back, maybe a lot of times.
A journey that includes trying to make things right, and that includes a whole lot of mercy, from God and each other.
It isn’t one step. It’s many steps. But hopefully, it’s a journey home.